I woke up…I knew the moment my feet reached the floor that I was sick. I mostly felt weak and dehydrated. I went to the bathroom..my legs not quite wanting to perform the task. I was grateful to be quickly back to the side of my bed. Another day in bed…being sick…ugh. But…I could not lift my leg high enough to get back in. Now, my bed is higher than normal and I long ago gave away the step stool. But, I saw no way to make it up and back into my bed. Couch…distance to walk…but I could lie down.
I phoned my doctor, trying to convince his nurse to just let me go to the hospital and get an IV. I felt very dehydrated…knew something was wrong but didn’t know how to describe it other than “I just don’t feel well”. After hours of arguing on the phone with two of my daughters and the doctor…I told them I was going to get an IV…I didn’t care what they thought any longer. My daughter did offer to make the 20 min. drive to pick me up. The hospital was only 5 minutes away.
When we arrived at the hospital they immediately put me in an ER bed. While they were setting up the IV … they decided to move me to a private room to have the IV so I wouldn’t have people looking on. I remember being taken to the room…I remember them inserting the IV. I don’t remember anything else…until I was being carried by a strong young man onto a small transport jet.
I cannot really describe how I felt. I had gone septic and all my organs had failed. Once I was belted in and all IVs in place…I could barely make out the man desperately trying to keep me alive. The left side of my chest and left arm…started to hurt…and increased in pain til I wanted to scream…but I didn’t. He gave me two morphine shots that did not take one bit of the pain away.
I remember him talking about dying. I closed my eyes because I could feel myself slipping away. I was surprised to still feel so much of the pain. I knew I was dying…but as I moved to where I was bid to go…the pain quickly eased and was gone.
I stood and looked around. I was surrounded by the most intense…beautiful blackness I had ever seen. It was like every inch of the blackness was reflective of billions of stars. I have never seen anything so beautiful. My body felt different. All burdens…physically and emotionally were gone…it was a true freedom. I looked to my feet..I had on a long while gown which had layers of fabric that flowed with the movement of the surrounding space. It was not a breeze…but movement of knowledge..voices…moving thru you and all around you.
I looked ahead and there stood a man dressed in white. I don’t know who it was. I only wished I knew why. Was he there to prevent me from following …or staying to long in this environment. I contemplated for a short time as to who he could be. I can’t help but wonder if it was my father. I should have stepped closer…but I really didn’t know that I should.
I closed my eyes…I could feel myself being brought back….I could hear the crew’s panic and all that they were doing for me. The pain became so great that I passed out and went into that time..where time does not exist…and in a blink of an eye…you wake up days later.
I awoke to find all my children standing around my bed. I thought I must be dying if they are all here…but the doctors I guess didn’t know a miracle was going to happen that day. I survived…and had an inspirational view of a near death experience. I wasn’t beckoned to move forward and away from this life. My body had completely failed..every organ was shut down. I looked like the Stay-Puff-Marshmallow Guy..my body was overfilled with fluids during organ failure. It would take weeks to shed all the water…it took almost 4 weeks in intensive care to recover…all of which I didn’t think I would ever regain my health.
But I did…I have two more weeks of cancer treatment left…then I am done. I have surgeries…but I will put them off for awhile so I can rest and get over all of 2010.
Having left my body…I now see and feel the difference. The burdens of this world were far from me…I only marveled at what I felt and saw. A miracle…that I survived…one of many miracles that have occurred during my life. I am forever grateful to a Heavenly Father that allows a Guardian Angel to watch over me.